Half Way.... Well, almost

I nIII  iiiIIStop, make it stop.  I'm not ready to be halfway done.  I LOVE this adventure way too much and I'm not ready.  Not ready for the cameras to fade, not ready for the grulling butt kicking workouts to slow down, not ready for the pampering to end.  I want this to last forever.... but with all good stories, they must come to an end.  I like to think that this is just the first in a series of novels filled with new adventure and wonder for me.  So, why do I love it so much?  Well, I've been thinking about this long and hard.  November 1st marks the one year anniversary of my Divorce.  Truth be told, it has been the best year of my life.  New starts, new adventures, new me.  A new job,
a new Sexy Me and a new outlook on life.  This journey has changed me in more ways than I think I can even comprehend.  I jump out of bed with excitement and energy, something that I think is an amazing task at 4:30AM by anyones standards.  I don't dread the closet, infact I look forward to going into my closet and putting on an outfit that was once too tight, only to find that it fits just right, or even better, it's now too big!!!  I love that I'm showing my daughter that I can be Super Woman!! I can fill our day with all kinds of crazy activities and hold us together perfectly.  I was worried that this challenge would push me over the edge with activities, but the daily workouts have actually helped my stress level to go way down.  I'm proud of who I am, what I've become and what I stand for.  My daughter is going to look back at photos of the two of us and see not just a Mom who was there for her, but a Mom who was confident, happy, strong and a fighter... Always a fighter.  I think that is why I like the boxing so much.  I can be the physical fighter that I've mentally had to be for the past few years.  I've had several Ah-ha moments these past few weeks and I hope that I have many more.  My line of thinking has changed from the do it to survive mode, to the do it because I CAN!  I don't know if people can see the changes that I'm feeling on the inside.  I always came across as someone that had it together, even through the mess, but inside I was barely hanging on.  Now, BRING IT ON!  I can do this and then some.

Family Vacation Survival

Well, Portland was a huge success!  I got off the plane not sure how my weekend with the family would go.  Now, I LOVE my family more than anything and they have been my rock these past few years, but I was so scared on how I was going to fight the good fight to workout, eat right and not drink and TON.  When we get together, as most families do, it revolves around great food, gallons of wine and laughter, lots and lots of laughter.  While this is exactly what I needed, I also know that this would hinder my progress if I let it.  I gave myself a two glass of wine limit and promised myself that I wouldn't even do the two glasses if I didn't need to.
Quick flash forward through the weekend.  I kicked ass in a kickboxing class, took a huge long run down the coast and had perfect time to reflect on how much I've accomplished over the past year.  My family and I rocked the Color Run and had a blast shaking color all over each other.  Meals were no problem.  Each meal was met with strict discipline and I overcame all food obstacles.  The wine, well, I only have one glass per day and I was so proud.
My family was so full of excitement for me and this adventure.  Questions, praise, support and love.... all things that made me feel like all this hard work has already been worth it and I crave more tough times ahead to prove that this is my new adventure and I'm ready for it!!

Is my face going to peel off?

Well, that was not what I expected.  I just got home from my first facial appointment.  $500 in face wash later, I'm more than overwhelmed.  5 high-gloss brochures now cover my dining room table.  All labeled with Laser this or Peel that in the title.  All of which I'm scheduled to do.  DO WHAT NOW? Yikes, so the biggest and scariest laser of all is called the Pearl.  Sounds sweet enough, like afternoon tea with your grandma.  If afternoon tea involved sticking your face into the burning tea and watching it peel off of your face!!
So, the beautiful, and flawless skinned attendant who walked me through all of my treatments want me to try them all.  Why not, right?!?!  They are free and in no way EVER again would I have the chance or money to do this, so why not.  This seems like the right mindset and the way I was thinking until I got to thinking about this procedure. 
For starters, it takes 45 minutes to numb your face before they begin..... Okay, that's alright.  Then an hour of lasers burning your face.  Okay, they said mild pain, I can handle that.  I had a baby, I can deal with pain.... Right?  Then your face turns white and becomes crazy unbearably hot and uncomfortable.  Only to turn red and painful... On the plus side, it sounds like this only lasts for a few days.  Wait, what?!?!  To keep your face moist, you need to rub Vaseline like lotion on your face all the time.  In just a few short 5 days or so, your face will peel off the skin to show a perfectly smooth, pearl like glow.  Okay, that I can do; but the bright red, lotion-ed up face that slowly slides skin off of my face.... That I don't know if I can do.  The upside.... Halloween is coming.  I guess a flesh-eating zombie it is for me this year. 
So, after all that do I do it?.... Hell yeah, and here is why.  You only live once and if I don't take 100% of this opportunity, I'm cheating myself and will regret it later. 
So, for those of you that will have the pleasure of seeing me after this pleasant event, PLEASE No pictures and I apologize upfront if my face starts to fall off on you!
Kisses

Coffee, why I love you, but don't need you

Wow, a full on coffee drinker from practically birth.  I got my first espresso machine for my birthday in the 7th grade.  I am addicted to everything about coffee.  The smell as the pot starts to brew, the sound of the beans grind, the beautiful taste as I enjoy the first delicious taste of the morning.  Normally my day doesn't start until I am able to finish a whole pot of coffee.  I used to walk like a zombie until I had my first cup.  However, after the start of this program, I roll out of bed and start my day.  No longer do I feel that I need the caffeine that comes with the delicious cup.  Now, I only grab a cup of coffee when I'm missing the flavor.  It is such a crazy feeling to know that my body is changing so much that I no longer feel dependent on the coffee.  My body feels well rested every morning and I feel as I got the right amount of sleep, even on the crazy early mornings. Wow, this is such a great and strange feeling!

I survived Happy Hour!!

Friday afternoon and I was nervous.  Nervous to hang out with my friends.  That seems such a silly thing to say, but it would be the first time that I would be hanging out with all of my friends on a Friday night.  Our typical Friday nights involve the kids rocking out to Wii, splashing for hours in the hot tub and watching movies while upstairs, the adults much on delicious, but bad for your snacks, sip margs, play the occasional drinking game and take the mandatory tequila shots! We hang out for hours and when the kids are ready to crash, so are the adults.  Friday nights are my favorite.  After a long hard week, being able to spend time with our kids, while also enjoying some adult time is such a great mix.  But here is where the hard part kicks in.... None of the food or drinks is what I should be doing right now.  Chips and queso, so good, but so wrong. 
I had already told myself that I was going to allow myself to have two drinks of red wine.  This way, I didn't feel like I was cheating too much, but could still relax and have a few drinks.  The food, however, was going to be the major challenge.  I felt like I was walking into battle.  Good vs Evil and I really wanted to be on team Evil.
I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to have a great salad, and sip on one lovely glass of wine all night.  I left smiling, because I not only had a very successful food and drink night, but I don't think that I've ever laughed as much as I did that night. A great, perfect night with friends.  Knowing that I could still enjoy my friends the same as always and still maintain my challenge, made me so proud!

Lights, Camera, Action!!

Today I started out terrified for my upcoming live TV debut.  I was set to be down at the studio to talk about how things have been going.  Well, I got on the scale this morning to a very wonderful surprise.  Down just over 5 lbs.!!  When we got into the green room, I was shocked to find out that I was about to get my measurements done again.  Yikes!!  To my shock and awe, I was down several inches all over! Two in the waste, one in each leg and the list goes on!!
As I sat with my stomach in knots, I watched the bright lights on the studio come alive.  The camera start to whirl around the room on their own, zooming in and out on the shot.  One camera moves in, while another moves out.  Like some crazy robot dance I can't take my eyes off of.  Segment one, done.  Segment two, done.  OMG, I'm up next and I have no idea what they are going to ask.  Where do I look, what do I say, what if they ask really tough or personal questions.  What if I stumble over my words.  What if I have something in my teeth, or nose, Ahh, I can't do this.  Where is the exit.  Will anyone notice if I just sneak out.....
I stand up, get my mic put on and seconds later, I'm on the set.  I get a 10 second update on what were are going to talk about.  My mind goes blank, the room starts to get fuzzy and I can hear myself breathing and that is about all.  Cue the intro music and here we go.................................................
Over, its over?  That was it.  I'm done.  That was so fast.  What just happened.  Okay, that wasn't bad.  That was good.  I can do this again.
Wait, I think I really liked that.  Wonder when we get to do that again.  Hey, I really liked that.  Oh, I can't wait to see what I looked like.... Alright, not bad.  I think it came out great.  I think I can do this.
Hey, watch out TV, I think I like you and I think I want to be in the spotlight again.... Yikes, never thought this was part of the makeover!

Getting that Sexy Back one step at a time

I feel ever so slightly sexier today.  It's the oddest thing, I'm in workout clothes, after workout hair and NO make-up, but I feel sexier.  Simple flirty exchanges with the man at the grocery store, Pep Boys, etc.  Just a little extra something in my step today.  Not sure if it's my self-confidence popping it's head out today or what, but I feel slightly different today.  I never would have felt sexy, exposed, without a hint of makeup.... Today, I didn't care.  I forgot I didn't have make-up and when I remembered, I didn't care!  Wow, what is that?  It must be the Zumba talking!

Yesterday, I made a very tough and very personal decision about my life and how I would for the first time, make the tough decision.  I feel confident for this choice and am proud at how it has turned out.  Making the right life decision is not always easy.  I think that this contest has given me the confidence to believe in myself and know that I deserve better.  I know what I want and what I feel I am missing in life, but I am not going to be clouded by the illusion or tease of a dream.  Instead, I'm going to wait for the real thing to smack me right in the face.  No more of this pretending that these moments won't affect me or guide me off track.  In fact, these are the worst paths for me to follow.  These tracks don't have a destination I want, or worse, these tracks are heading in the opposite direction of where my heart wants to be.  I feel so self assured that I'm making the ME decisions right now and these ME decisions will guide me home in the end. 
As much as it hurts to know that a chapter that I've wanted for so long, might be closing, I have to come to the understanding that the actual chapter was filled with possible hurt, heartache and a dream only shared by one.  Goodbye, you've been the anchor, the devil, the spark I needed.  My journey we traveled together was all my heart could bear, and you were there every time and every way I needed.  But I can't travel with you any longer, I need to call it what it was.  I will forever cherish all  you symbolize in my life and I wish things could be different.  My heart, helped to heal and yet break at the same time. 
Time to move on.  Time to know more is out there.  No looking back.  I've got that sexy to get back, I can't wait around.